Here's the absolute, no-fail way to win any power struggle with every child, every time: do not fight for power. Think about it. When an adult with a child who struggles for power, have lost immediately. And the younger the child, the more true that statement becomes. To give a picture, you want to take your "sails" out of their wind, so to speak. Here are some specific tips and tricks to use instead of being in the middle of "Yes," - "No, I will not" battles in which everyone loses.
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*** 'S funny Adults torture for many young people may seem like a sport to "trap" an adult in a power struggle. What better way to quit doing what you should do more to discuss? For example, if you run a consulting group, you may notice that it seems impossible to get young people to come to group time. Instead of taking group time to discuss whether "the bus was late" is a satisfactory explanation, turn it over to the group. The group may decide, for example, to have the clear laggard after the group ended, a natural consequence to trouble members of the group. Note the question changed from being a problem for adult-kid with a problem of kid-a-kid. Once the group has set a standard policy, do not waste time discussing it again.
*** Bonus Tip: Set a limit on how long you going to discuss compliance issues. Your kids will have only a short time frame, and that this time can not be group or class at the time, but their time.
*** Meet the Bickersons: teach children about the "Bicker-back, when people come into a game griping. Teach them how to identify" Bickers "and to stop the" back ". Bickerback learned that and give up trying to quarrel with you. This is a great device to give families.
*** BONUS TIP: Teach children the "Ask once, you're assertive, ask three times, you're aggressive." This saying can become a common comment that young people use other, is relieved of some of the task of confronting coercive behavior.
*** Do not Let Them When You Have It?: We got that question recently in our laboratory by a teacher who wanted to know "a really good-down to stop the bickering and clowning. The question was easy. It is never "let the people." There is never a circumstance where it is okay to belittle a child. Channel your child instead. For example, working with a class clown can be a battle as the debates child if the comments are "appropriate" or not. A fun approach is to ask the class clown to become a commentary by different audiences, as the leader on the job you really want. You are assisting the child to acquire skills in the content, geared to adapting to different circumstances, rather than focusing on what could be silenced a formidable asset for the long term. Successfully teach the child to channel humor can help the child to become a team member in wonderful job, someone who can lighten the tense and difficult situations with appropriate humor.
*** BONUS TIP: Have your class or group to lay down rules on the number of talk-outs per hour, and to create a policy around them what to do when problems occur. Without a recommended number for children to follow, some will not be able to discern a reasonable number on their own. Young people need practical, capable of self-government, most adults do not need the practice. With this intervention, not only move the problem away from being adult-baby-boy around, but you are helping your children to practice self-management skills essential.
*** Defiance, coercion and acceptance: As you work to discern what to do in situations that could easily become power struggles, not to force children, and putting our backs to the wall so challenge becomes one of the few options left. The more you can use the agreement to find a middle ground of common agreement, there will be more successful with children and young people who otherwise struggle for power.
*** BONUS TIP: Make sure you know a lot of conduct disordered youth, your most difficult to manage children. If you do not know this child back and forth, inside and out, and how to work with this young man is completely different for everyone, there will be very vulnerable to be embroiled in power struggles for control and safety. Because behavioral problems are very slick and manipulative, you may not fully appreciate exactly what is happening. There is no strategy guide to disarm this very young. You must take the time to learn their operating system and capture all the special techniques required. You must make sure you know all about this young man who may be 11-15% or more of your population.
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